I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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