New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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