i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
