I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
