When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
