we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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