girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
