It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
