You just made me feel so damn special
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
