I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Randomize
