did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
