you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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