i would punch a child for taco bell
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
