I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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