dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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