We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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