thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
