I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
