he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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