batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
