So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
