Say something about gay babies.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
