Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
