Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
