oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
