Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
