Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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