I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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