im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
