Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need water and some morals
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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