Please, let me fuck your mom
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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