Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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