it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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