I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
