our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
