Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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