I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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