I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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