so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
