K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All I want is dick and wine.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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