dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
