i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
