Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just pee around me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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