Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
