Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
