Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
