I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
