Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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