Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
