i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
