Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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