You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I AM VODKA MAN
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
