At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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