this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
