Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Green mimosas i think yes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
