She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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